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Another Year, Another Scandal

So, I've kept quiet publicly about the recent news surrounding a popular Pastor and his wife and their address to the church about his indiscretions. I'm no one's judge and people can run their marriage the way they see fit, however, I will speak about the flaws I see in the advice that is being given as a "blanket" fix.

I've been this woman. I may not have been in a high profile marriage, but I've been the wife behind the scenes, praying for her husband and forgiving every single indiscretion for the sake of keeping the family together, and hoping that he would change and that "this time" would be his wake-up call. I put on a happy public face, and no one knew the torture I felt on the inside, or the countless tears I would shed while I was alone. I was completely broken inside, and I encouraged myself by saying, "it's Ok, I'm praying, the Lord hears my prayers, and he's gonna fix it." All of that is absolutely true...but what I didn't consider, is that maybe all of these covers were being pulled because God wanted to fix "it" by fixing me and my brokenness and to get me out of a situation where the person had no desire to change. I realize that most of the time, we go through our own trials and tribulations, and come out stronger in order to help someone else...but it seemed like I was not coming out; I was going in one right after another. Who was I helping by staying in that situation? Definitely not myself...I felt like I was on the brink of a nervous breakdown. I surely wasn't helping anyone else because I wasn't talking about my situation or sharing nobody knew. I wasn't crazy enough to talk about what was happening, because I wasn't ready to leave, so why talk about it if I was gonna continue to stay there and put up with it right?

While I would never tell anyone, "Girl, leave that marriage" I do feel comfortable enough to say "do what you need to do in order for you to be your best self." If that involves praying and staying, then do that. If in that process, you determine that you're the only one fighting and enough is enough, free yourself from the situation. At some point, when dealing with a wayward spouse, a person has to know what their own personal limits are, and what they will or won't take anymore. I personally chose to stop putting myself through cycles, because it was killing me! Not only that, but there are also health risks involved...and it's not worth contracting something you can't get rid of, while you wait for the person you have married to suddenly wake up and see your worth. You need to see your own worth before anyone else will!

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