When I decided to move out of the home I shared with my ex, I decided that I would start all over and not take any furniture or decorations to my new place. I picked out furniture that I liked but didn't pick out any wall hangings or drapes or anything like that. So for a little while, my apartment is bare bones when it comes to decorations. I asked a few of my friends who had superior taste in decorating, and colors and creativity to give me some pointers, but I still haven't done anything major. I'm sure they were thinking to themselves, "why doesn't this 46 year old woman know what she likes after being married for so long?" So I think I need to talk about that.
Before we go any further, this particular topic is not to make anyone look bad, it's just my truth. When I was married, I was made to feel like I couldn't do what I wanted or buy what I thought looked good without getting the opinion or buy-in of my ex. After a few years, I just stopped trying. I didn't watch HGTV, or any other shows to get decorating ideas, because I thought, 'what is the point' and that no matter what I liked, I had to get "approval" before I bought it and brought it home anyway. So I purposely avoided the aisles in the store with decorations and home improvement, because I felt like my taste wasn't good enough. Now that I have my own place, I'm getting my 'sea legs' back, and with the help of some good friends, I will be buying what I like and what I want.
Who knew that something as simple as making a house a home could be taken for granted? As a married woman, I automatically assumed that I would be "allowed" to decorate the house as I saw fit, but when that was in a sense stripped away from me, I didn't even see it as a form of control...but it is. When you don't have freedom to make decisions without the approval of someone else, it's control. And although this may be minor to some, I will no longer allow anyone to tell me how I should decorate...I may ask for opinions, but it feels good for the ultimate decision to be mine!